I’ve had something welling up in me recently that is bubbling to the surface and I feel like I’m going to explode. I want change. I crave excitement and something new. I’m getting tired of the same old routine day in and day out. it doesn’t take long for me to get bored…
I want to move, or travel or start some great project.
My mother used to tell me I was a caged animal. In high school I would pace back and forth until my friend or boy friend would show up and we could go, find fun,excitement, and the next great party.
I’m feeling a little cagey.
I crave routine but once I get it it feels like chains. I know I need discipline but once I start practicing it feels monotonous.
I’m not sure what I need right. Find the next new project or learn to be content, dig in and find Joy in the monotony. Take the next same step again. Find the increasing improvement in practice.
And not forget to Lean in Hard to the one who holds my life in His hands. I’m not sure where I read it recently but when He feels far away He’s really so very close. When I don’t feel I’m getting the answers I need it doesn’t mean He’s abandoned me. It means I need to keep my mind on Him.
You keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on you, because he trusts in you. Isaiah 26:3
I’m looking for answers and hoping for direction but I’m having trouble just waiting. That peace is not very tangible or perfect right now.
I’m not enjoying the wait. The first 40 years or so of my life I was always on the move, I found the next project or adventure or calling or leading of God and I would plunge in with both feet.
But now life is slow and I wait, for the right time, for enough money, for the surety of purpose. For the right nudge in the right direction.
Wait for the LORD and keep his way, and he will exalt you to inherit the land; Psalms 37:34
But I’m fighting for Joy, I’m fighting to stay close to the one who holds my life and I’m not going to move till He says move. I”m going to record my gifts, meditate on His word and do the next thing. Joy will come.
What are you waiting for?